Joe Theismann Trapped Inside, Stays On Phone For An Hour

Former Super Bowl-winning quarterback Joe Theismann dropped by CBS Sports Radio’s Gio and Jones on Monday morning for a 15-minute segment that quickly turned into an hour.

“I’ve got three feet of snow,” Theismann, 66, said toward the end of his scheduled segment. “I’ve been locked up in my house for three days. I don’t know when I’m going to get out of here. I have a quarter of a mile long driveway with three feet of snow on it. I could be here until the beginning of camp next year.

“You cant even fathom the depth of the snow out here,” Theismann continued, amused. “I have 54 inches of snow outside my kitchen window. I’m talking 54 inches out here where I live.”

Theismann, who lives in Washington D.C., has to read and practice a script for an infomercial he’s shooting after Super Bowl 50. Aside from that, he’s just waiting for the snow to melt.

“I’ve got work to do, but I’m standing here staring at icicles and ice,” Theismann said, laughing. “I sent a tweet out, ‘Gosh, snow is so much fun in the beginning, (but now), shoot me, will you?’ The worst part is, my wife’s not here. I’m by myself. I’m talking to the coat rack right now and you know what? It’s not answering. . .. And listen, I know that there are a lot of hope out there that are in a tougher condition and I certainly sympathize with them, but man, when Mother Nature decides she wants to unleash her wrath, she goes at you.”

Luckily, Theismann went to the grocery store Thursday to stock up before the storm. Unfortunately, he’s almost out of food – only not really.

“I’m on three bananas,” he said, laughing. “I’ve got three days left to be to survive here and (then) I’m out of bananas and it’s all over.”

Once they finished laughing, Gregg Giannotti and Brian Jones thanked Theismann for his time and wished him well in the coming days. But once Theismann hung up, Gio and Jones got an idea: If Theismann is bored, why not just keep him on the show?

“He should be thanking us for calling him as opposed to us thanking him for his time,” Giannotti joked, as producer Mike Bisceglia got Theismann back on the line. “He’s probably the only guest in the history of this show that was really, really happy we contacted him. ‘Yeah, sure I’ll do it! You kidding me?’ He’s walking around his house, as he said, talking to the coat rack.”

And just like that, Theismann was back on the air.

Hang out, stay on the line and chime in when you want to, Giannotti offered.

“Like a third wheel?” Theismann asked.

“I mean, you got nothing else going on,” Giannotti said.

“You are so right,” Theismann said. “You are so right. Actually, this is really crazy. If you look at my kitchen, I have like five bags of garbage because I haven’t been able to get out. I’ve been cleaning closets. And this is great: I have a snowblower in my kitchen. It’s got about a two-inch (opening) and the snow is three feet high. I decided yesterday (to) just see if it’ll work. All I did was have snow blow back in my face. If it wasn’t so comical, you’d sit here and cry. It’s like off the charts.”

Jones asked Theismann, 66, if he had any alcohol on hand.

“Oh yeah, I’ve got plenty of that – and a variety, I might add,” Theismann said, prompting hearty cackles from Gio and Jones. “As a matter of act, I think 10 o’clock (in the morning) is my cutoff point to start.”

Theismann, always a trooper, stayed on the line for another 40 minutes or so, talking mostly about the NFL.

“I’ll hang around until 9,” he said. “I like being a third wheel. It’s like (being) a designated driver with you guys.”

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