Iliza Shlesinger: ‘I’m Queen Of The Uglies’

Iliza Shlesinger is a woman and a comedian; as such, not only does she know the things women do to annoy men, but she also knows how to make fun of them.

One of those things? Refusing to eat in front of a man.

“You know why we can’t?” Shlesinger asked on Gio and Jones. “Because we don’t eat all day trying to be thin.”

Really, is that it?

“I don’t know what it is,” Shlesinger said. “We are very hungry because we’re human beings, but all day you try to be a lady. But you can’t eat in some outfits because they’re white or because they’re tight. Right now, I can’t really breathe. I just inhaled a breakfast sandwich. I’m just trying to keep it all together.”

Regurgitate it right now, Brian Jones ordered.

“That’s a different girl,” Shlesinger said.

Shlesinger also does impersonations of the kind of girls men hate:

“Why are you watching sports?” she said in an annoyed, prissy voice. “I want to watch The Notebook. Turn it off. I’m serious.”

And then there are girls who go to sports bars and pretend to be huge sports fans – even though they’re just going because guys are there.

“There’s always the one girl in charge,” Shlesinger said. “Her name is usually like Amanda. She’s like a little thick and she’s like, ‘I printed the Groupon. We’re all going out together. Let’s put on jerseys that are tailored so boys look at us. It’s a pink Seahawks jersey. Doesn’t that make sense?’”

As you can, Shlesinger, 31, is one of the top comics in the industry. The Dallas native won the sixth season of NBC’s Last Comic Standing. You can catch her on “Freezing Hot,” a one-hour special that will air this Friday on Netflix. Shlesinger will tackle numerous topics, including the struggles between men and women.

Shlesinger, who isn’t exactly hard on the eyes, was asked if she feels she has to prove herself more than the average comedian. Is that a real phenomenon, or is that just an assumption that people make about attractive female comedians?

“It’s an assumption by people, but I think it depends on the show,” Shlesinger said. “I think if you pay to see me – like you come to one of my shows – you know what you’re getting. But I did a show the other night at a venue, and it was a great show. But the person before me was on stage and you fall in love with that comic a little bit, and so she left and they’re staring at you like, ‘Who are you?’ So I just break the ice. I’m like, ‘I know what you’re thinking: She’s not going to be funny because she’s SO pretty.’ And I’m not that pretty. So people are a little put off by it, but the second you say one joke and you let them know they’re in the hands of a professional, it’s going to be okay. Again, I’m not that pretty, but comedians on the whole are an unattractive bunch. So I’m queen of the uglies.”

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